Giving Thanks

This year has sped by at light speed but in another sense it’s moved so slowly making us feel like 2020 might last forever. Please...no. On this eve of Thanksgiving, I’m reflecting on what we’ve learned, what has changed and what has stayed the same and all the unexpected blessings. There have been a lot of those. But most of all we are reflecting on what we are thankful for- the new connections and the old friends. We are kicking off 7 days of thankfuls..starting now and leading up to GivingTuesday on Dec 1st.-a day of virtual giving. We are thankful for each of you. Your support through giving, mentoring, serving, praying..all of it. And we are so thankful that we get to love and serve the girls at EPIC Girl. They are the ones that make our hearts explode as we watch them grow and soar and dare to reach new heights. They are the ones that make us most thankful.

The #BigPayBack

Have you ever been with a child but they were more like an adult? Everything they should be interested in and doing isn’t reality for them. When you sit with them, you just get a sense that they’ve lived more life than their 14 or 15 years can even hold. That happens to us at EPIC Girl all the time. As you may or may not know, we take 24/7 on call for the juvenile detention center in Davidson County for female runaways. Frequently, we sit across from a girl, young in years, but sage in spirit. That happened to me recently. I was called-in in the wee hours of the morning. It was still dark outside. The girl I was called to see was from another state. She was barely a teen but when she spoke she seemed so much older. She told stories about disappointment and grief, like so many of the girls we talk to through EPIC Girl. Some of what she said - I don’t even know if it was truth. But it was her truth in the moment and she needed to be heard. And I’m grateful I was the one that got to show up in her moment and just listen.

It reminds me of a letter a youth wrote me once. She was in a detention center for a charge or two. Her charges were bigger than her. But she talked a good game. Many of the workers were afraid of her and cautioned me about trusting her. But over the course of time, we became friends; like family really. She wrote me a letter and said, “Thank you for all the times you’ve sat with me in the silence, just being there. It meant a lot to me”.

I’m reminded of the importance of togetherness in silence when we want to rush in and fix all the things but we have no words. Instead of making promises that we can’t keep or filling space with small talk, we need to be willing to embrace the silence. It can be safe there.

On my way home, two girls that I’ve been championing for years called. Even though it was 6 AM they wanted to freestyle rap a song that they wrote on the fly for me. It was something about my love of Starbucks, how my hair was messy, and how I was going to tell them I love them & something about God. There was also something about a Llama because it rhymes with Mama I think. But between their giggles and fury to come up with the next line, one of them said, “pray for me, I need forgiveness”. Don’t we all? We all need that beautiful grace that rescues and reminds that we can move past the disappointments. And we need people, willing to sit in the silence.

This week EPIC Girl is part of the Big PayBack. Hopefully you’ve been following our #AboutAGirl social media campaign. It gives you a glimpse of the beautiful girls we are blessed to pour into through our programs at EPIC Girl. We hope that you will consider giving so that we will be able to show up, sing songs, laugh and cry or just sit in the silence with girls as they come our way.

I pray the little girl from out of state finds her person. Someone that will believe in her when there is literally nothing left to believe in, when she has exhausted every option, when every door has been slammed. In that moment I pray, I beg and plead that someone will sit with her in the silence and wait, patiently until she can find her voice and herself.

xoxox

Stacia

APRIL 2020

I’ve been talking to teen girls a lot lately because, well, that’s what we do. During this time of “social distancing” we are finding innovative ways to engage our EG girls. FaceTime, Insta calls, FB live, texts,  Snapchat videos- you name it. We’re doing all the things.  We are even thinking about an online dance party and online mentor training. If you have ideas for fun activities to pass the “quarantime” send us a message!

The other day I had a call from an EG who is in a residential facility. She was panicked because the staff told her things were getting better, but then yesterday they showed up with MASKS- so she says “things must be getting worse”! This is overwhelming to her because she hasn’t had visits from her family in almost four weeks. She’s scared and discouraged. 

This brings me to something really important. How do we combat fear when it sets in? That nagging kind that starts with a whisper about how this is never going to end, you won’t be ok, you’ll loose everything?  It’s an unwanted visitor that we’ve probably all dealt with in one way or another before and especially now. What do I say to myself and the girls when they are feeling hopeless and fearful? How do we answer to fear?

In my experience, it’s not what you may think. It’s not the ability to leap off of  tall buildings, or pull yourself up by the bootstraps.  The only way to overcome fear is to look it straight in the eyes with HOPE!  Yes- hope changes everything and that’s best done through relationships. 

I love the quote by Mister Rogers that he said his mama taught him: “When you’re afraid, search for the helpers”. I’ll go a step further; when you feel hopeless be a helper. Your doing comes out of your being...always. 

I’ve been looking for the helpers. I saw on the news a lady in Jo Johnson who is feeding her neighbors 3 times a week with sack lunches (check out our IG/FB if you want to cashapp her to support). I watched a “Some Good News” post by John Krasinski in which he had the entire cast of Hamilton sing to a 9 year old fan for her birthday. And yesterday when I walked my dog, there was a case of toilet paper with a sign that said “free”. These small acts of kindness inspired me to do something and to encourage all of you to help. 

My friend, Tiffany has been serving youth in Davidson County through her agency Victims to Victory. She is faithful and so creative. She buys a lot of her own art supplies.  The small grassroots agencies like her’s and EPIC Girl are struggling because our events are cancelled and our donors are preoccupied. So I’m starting a fundraiser for EG & Victims to Victory. We will give 50% of every dollar raised to Tiffany to support her incredible work. And we’ll also send over some support to Ms Leach at Jo Johnson just because she inspires us. 

So... you can donate here and share with your friends. When this time away is done we can’t wait to HUG you!  Thank you for everything you do for our community. Stay focused on Hope. Go love someone today (while practicing social distancing) and as always- Be EPIC

Xoxox

Stacia

Rejection - March 2020

Rejection.  Even the strongest of us deal with it and it hurts.  

When I was in 9th grade (picture big hair and blue eyeshadow), I invited a boy (whose first name starts with Frank) to a dance. It was one of those deals where the girl asks the boy. My mom took me to get a dress and the night before the party, he cancelled saying he’d gotten back with his old girlfriend. So I sat home alone feeling rejected. Thank God we didn’t have social media. I can’t imagine the angst. 

I’ve had that scenario over and over in life (rejection, not people cancelling on me at the last minute—well maybe a time or tw0), and I can honestly say it never gets easier. But this past year, I had a situation (or two or three) that cut..deep. Have you ever heard that saying “those you love the deepest will hurt you the most”?  Well that’s true.  I can attest to it first hand. 

What happens when we love and protect and bend over backwards and then the person says thanks but no thanks?  There is a tendency to want to stop loving people so much. I jokingly (half-way serious) said in 2020 that I’m going to be meaner. That’s what rejection makes you want to do. Build walls. It feels safer. 

But rejection taught me some things about myself. Here are some of the lessons. Maybe they will inspire you. 

1- love is risky. Always. A bloody battle. But it’s worth it. 

2- relationships take work and require boundaries. But you can’t build authentic relationships behind a brick wall. Vulnerability is a necessity. Proceed with caution. 

3- sometimes we have to let go and move on. When people show us who they are..believe them. But don’t give up on them.  You can plant seeds, love from a distance and trust that other people will come behind you to shore up what you started. (I hate this part..really I do). 

4- some people will use you. That’s not about you. It’s really about them. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t still be present. You just have to be wise. 

5- every hurt is an opportunity for growth. You can be bitter or you can be better. It can drive revenge or grace. It’s your choice. 

I hope you will be inspired to engage with someone that isn’t like you. Someone that gets you out of your comfort zone.  Those uncomfortable situations generally are more about you than about them. These situations will inspire and stretch you and prepare you. Prepare you for the others that you will be trusted to pour into and inspire. Rejection leads to opportunity. Always. 

Be Epic. 

Valentine’s Day - 2020

My Valentine’s post is late because I’m a ruminator- what I mean by that is I have to sit with things for a while and let them “cook”. 

I’ve noticed lately that we are all seeking approval. Oftentimes in the most unhealthy ways. Social media complicates this desire to fit in. It opens us up to chasing after it constantly. Everyone is an expert in something now-or trying to be. We are all chasing after likes and views and comments. We are trying to be witty,  introspective, knowledgeable, beautiful...wanted. That’s really what it’s about- we want to matter. We want to know at the end of the day our life matters.  

We teach 30-40 girls a week various aspects of relationship and staying strong. One of our topics is social media and how it complicates our view of healthy relationships. It makes us think that we are in relationships with people that we don’t even know, people we may not even speak to in public. And sometimes we are sharing intimate details of our life with these strangers.

Yesterday I was in a situation with several teen girls that I have personally mentored over the last 3 years. They were talking and laughing and wanting me to remain in the background (which I’ve become so good at in raising children). In the quiet, we often glean valuable information, and what I learned  from sitting in the background broke my heart. Behind their laughs and stories, I heard their pleas, begging to be seen for who they are- who they were meant to me.  They were posing, faking, and doing all the things. Doing the very most but deep down they are crying to live their truth. How do I know? Because I’ve sat with each of them individually in some of their darkest moments. We’ve written poems and sang songs, cried and dreamt dreams together. They’ve allowed me to see them for who they hope to be and not the person the world says they should be. In reality they still struggle. Sometimes I wonder if they will make it out in this world. Especially when many of the adults that could lead them are also struggling for affirmation. 

Let me end here. I’m no expert in anything. But I have lived enough life to know that relationships, with real people, change things.  As we celebrate love (hopefully not just on February 14th, but all day, every day), hug someone, tell them they matter, sit down with them and really listen. At the end of this life, your legacy will not be measured by the number of people that liked your post, viewed your dance on tik tok (it’s a thing), watched your story on Snap or IG, or ogled over your perfect house, perfect body, perfect life- your legacy will only be based on the number of people you truly touched. 

Be Epic,

Xoxox

Stacia

Ringing In 2020! - 12/30/19

As 2019 comes to a close and we look towards 2020, I’m writing to share with you our wins and losses and to ask you to continue to support our mission to empower girls to become their best selves. 

In the win category- we are seeing girls completely changed through the EPIC Girl community.  Some girls find their passion and fly away, and we celebrate that even though it’s sometimes hard because we miss them.  Other girls stay connected and cheer US on. It’s amazing. And when they find that inner hero, they learn that the real secret is using your experiences to inspire and connect others. That’s really all of our stories. 

Every time girls graduate (112 this year and over 170 have taken some level of our classes), we always remember the girls that didn’t connect. But we also know that sometimes we are the seed planters and we pray for the other agencies and encouragers that will come along and continue helping them with their journey. In the moment it feels like a loss but really it’s just the beginning. 

As many of you know, we provide Safety and Risk Assessment (SARA) screens to every girl that comes through our juvenile detention center in Davidson county. This screening has allowed us to serve over 1000 teen girls since it’s start in 2017.  Meeting girls in the midst of their chaos is one of the greatest gifts. To be able to sit with them and help them navigate their circumstances, not as an authoritarian but as a friend, is an incredible 
blessing. 

One night while I was on-call (we take on call for runaways 24/7, rain, sleet or snow- even holidays), I was called in around 2am.  I walked in to find a 16 year old girl who had been on the run for a couple weeks and introduced myself. She looked up and exclaimed “You’re Stacia!!? You’re famous on the streets!”  She went on to tell me that several EG girls had approached her, gave her my number and told her that EG would help her figure things out.  This is the beauty of our community. Andrea, Stacy, Antonese and a myriad of volunteers and mentors all come together to love and encourage the girls we meet, teach and love. 

That’s the secret of EPIC Girl....relationships. We believe relationships change everything!  At the core of who we are, no matter what our circumstances or experiences, we all want to matter to someone. We want our life to matter and to realize a purpose bigger than ourselves. 

We have so many dreams for the coming decade!  One of them is to get back to blogging (sorry- I’ve had writer’s block!!). We also have plans for a podcast that would allow you to engage in our journey. Our girls are amazing! We want you to have opportunities to know them and cheer them on. And we have lots of program goals. I’m always dreaming about expansion ( EPIC boy maybe ), a center (that would be EPIC), and so much more. 

So as this year and decade comes to a close, we ask you to consider supporting EPIC Girl so we can continue to inspire girls and they will continue to inspire us and each of you. You can donate online at www.epicgirl.net. Thank you for believing in our community, for pouring into our vision, and for showing up. We love changing the world with you!
Happy 2020!  I can’t wait to see see what the next decade brings. 

Be EPIC-

Stacia

Never Let Go! - 02/03/18

The word strength is defined as the quality or state of being strong.  In particular a good or beneficial quality or attribute of a person or thing.  Synonyms listed for strength are advantage, asset, forte, aptitude, talent, skill or specialty.  The very basis of EPIC Girl is rooted in strength. In fact, when we define EPIC in all of our classes, we start by saying EPIC is the quality or state of being strong. The synonyms we use to define EPIC are memorable, strong, awesome, monumental, or legacy. EPIC is also a story. So EPIC and strength are basically the same thing.  Our EPIC stories are different as are our strength narratives.  

When our girls come into EPIC Girl we ask them what makes you strong? Sometimes they define their strength as a physical aptitude such as running, basketball, yoga or lifting weights.  They understand that many people translate strength in to a physical attribute. That's when we talk about what other things give you strength like your community, your smarts, your talents, your laughter.  Some of our girls aren't runners or lifters but they're amazing artists and the one thing that brings us all together in community of strong girls is shared laughter. Laughter makes us feel safe and loved. 

I'm not able to lift much weight probably because I've never trained to do so.  I'm more of a runner but I think it's awesome that some women love to lift weights.  I celebrate all of us as unique individuals who find our strengths at different points and in different areas.  I won't lie- I'm nervous about lifting 200lbs!! What?! But I'm excited too. Excited because it's an opportunity to be with other strong people who have found a way to express themselves in a community of people passionate about strength displayed through lifting kettlebells. That's cool.

So even if it's not your thing- come out and support the cause and support all the strong people who have given their time and talent to this event.  There will be some serious, trained,  amazing strong women and men who can lift way more than me. And there will be me & Andrea- who will be there because we believe in strong girls and we believe that collectively with our laughter and willingness and their grit and passion we can change the world!

Be EPIC!

Letting Them "Off the Hook" - 8/28/17

Sometimes in life we have to let people "off the hook"... for being self-absorbed, hurtful, absent, mean, for not being trustworthy, or for not treating us with the respect and value that we deserve. We have to let them off the hook and give them grace because when we do, we let ourselves off the hook-- off the hook for pain, doubt and fear, and then we give ourselves permission to move on. Forgiveness doesn't mean engaging in the relationship again and opening ourselves back up to the same disappointment and hurt. It means we can move on with the assumption that people are doing the best they can with what they have.  It's then that we step into true freedom and can become the amazing and EPIC women we are meant to be. 

Fly High.

Be EPIC.

XxStacia

Thoughts On Starting EPIC Girl - 8/3/17

A lot of people have asked me over the past two years why I decided to start EPIC Girl. I could give a long, drawn out answer, and some times I do (let's be honest- short answers aren't my forte). But if I had to narrow it down, I would say this:

I've always understood that it can be harder for women to do things. Career things. In life, we are often told "girls don't do that" or "that's not a job suited for a woman". And then even after we leap obstacles and persevere through the task of balancing of family and career, we are told things like "you only got this because you're pretty" or "maybe you should just observe". We are punished for speaking our minds, chastised for having opinions, and called pushy, aggressive and difficult. 

So I started EPIC Girl because I saw girls like me who had dreams and just needed help realizing them. These girls had an unfair disadvantage because of the hand they were dealt. And yet, they still had this glint in their eyes that said "I want more". I just couldn't stand the thought of them floundering, trying to find their way amidst all the messages saying we can't have it all or we're not worthy or good enough.  So I thought "hmmm... What if a lot of strong, empowered, sometimes pushy, complex and beautiful women got together and said to the younger women "you've got this"? That would be EPIC!! We should start that and change the world and inspire each other to go for it." And so we did. We started EPIC Girl and we are strong, and beautiful, opinionated and EPIC.

Ps: If you're an EPIC lady and you want support EG go visit our friends at Goodwin and purchase their good woman tee. A percentage is given to EG to support our quest to build strong women. 

Xx Stacia

Some Things Are Best Left to the Imagination - (6/22/17)

Growing up it was common for adults to tell us - especially girls - to "leave something to the imagination". This usually applied to something we were wearing, especially during times of short shorts, midriffs and mini skirts; however, this little saying could apply to so much more. 

We live in a time where everything is a photo op. We are constantly posting instagram videos and snap chat stories. Our desire to be known is taking over our good sense. This behavior is expected from teens and young people, but the concern is when you see this from adults old enough to know better. 

We are experiencing higher than ever suicide rates for teens. I'm sure there have been a lot of studies and scientific discussions on why this is happening. I believe it may be really simple. Our kids don't know real vs. fake. The obsession with social media and posting every party, every outing and every moment is hurting people. We're so busy concocting moments to post, enthralled in the art of self-promotion, that we've forgotten the beauty of that moment. And the posts we see from others on social media are often assumed to be their day-to-day life, rather than just the highlights.

At EPIC Girl we teach a class on self-esteem because so many of our girls are drowning in bad decisions that are typically made due to the fact that they don't feel valued or wanted. How can we teach them to love themselves when they are constantly measuring and comparing themselves against everyone's perfect life?  Especially in a culture of likes, shares and views where adults that you admire can't put their own desire for acceptance aside and be role models for kids who desperately need them.

Don't get me wrong. I love some parts of social media when it's used responsibly.  I'm not reprimanding anyone for posting, sharing, or selfie"ing". 

Go ahead post your meals, your vacations and your cute families, but stop videoing every activity of your everyday life. You must be the example for our children. They have to know the value of playing a game without a video, having a goofy minute without it becoming internet fodder, or hugging someone without setting up the perfect photo. Life isn't perfect, but we aren't allowing kids to see the beauty of that. You are the adult. Therefore, you will set the bar. Set it high. Treasure privacy and real, authentic relationships. When you do, you give your kids and other young people watching you permission to expect more from their own relationships and to realize that social media is no more than a game that we need to turn off sometimes. You don't have to share every detail of your life. Let people imagine how great it is because some things really are best left to the imagination.

Happy Birthday EPIC Girl! (4/11/17)

 

EPIC Girl is officially ONE!!

 

This time last year, I took a leap of faith and left my comfortable place--a place I'd grown and developed for ten years--and started EPIC Girl.  The dream was to give girls a safe place to connect and recognize their potential and then be cheered towards their goals. Along the way some truly AMAZING (EPIC) people linked arms with me and we started building this beautiful space for girls to be girls.  Reflecting on the past year, I thought I'd jot down a few of the things I've learned in this first year of EPIC.

 

1- Anything worth doing is worth doing well.  Early in my career working in non-profit, a young girl I was serving told me: "the kids I've known on the streets, have spent their whole lives waiting to be rescued. You'll get one chance--you better do it well" .  We've been so committed to doing things well and we are seeing the fruits of that commitment.  Our girls deserve our best stuff.

 

2- Every story is beautiful.  This year has been full of beautifully broken, amazing stories about girls who are complicated and are learning to live in the moment and be patient with themselves.  We've watched girls achieve goals (like quitting a bad habit or getting a job).  We celebrate each victory and cheer each other on when they get off track.

 

3- Patience is a virtue.  Some girls buzz through their EG mentor classes and some girls don't.  That's ok.  McKayla said, "Let's be an organization where girls never run out of chances, 'cause girls like us get the door slammed in our faces a lot."  So at EPIC Girl, girls never run out of chances.  Because we understand that each of them is on their own amazing journey and it sometimes takes time and patience.

 

4- You are only as good as your team.  Non-profits don't always play nice with others in the field.  We live in this weird space of competing for funds and justifying every cent we spend.  That makes us competitive and not always very team oriented.  The EG team shares the load together--we work 14 hour days when we are needed.  We teach at local high schools sometimes for free. We spend countless hours coming up with games & activities,  planning graduations, and crying for our girls who are going through hard stuff.  My team saves me every day.  I am beyond grateful for their passion, commitment and sacrifice.  They were meant for this and I'm just glad to be on their team.  And additionally we celebrate all the other non-profits who come alongside us, celebrate us, and provide added support to the awesome girls we love so much.  The Oasis Center, The Sexual Assault Center, YODA, The REAL Program, Juvenile Court Davidson County, DCS, The Public Defender's Office, Juvenile Court Williamson County all stand in the gap with us and we couldn't do this work without you!

 

5- I cried alot.  It sort of became my mantra.  Andrea announces it before every graduation.  Something happens to me and my heart swells up. I am so proud of every girl as I see their growth and witness them making changes and wanting to open themselves up to connection.  I'm just amazed every single time.  We've graduated 23 girls and given them their EPIC bracelets.  Me crying happens every time and I like it that way.

 

For every girl we celebrated, there are the ones that we only barely got to know.  We never stop hoping that those girls will find connections to people that affirm and value them. That they will grow up knowing how truly amazing they are and find a safe place to recognize their full potential. We never forget their faces and the time we spent together.  We never stop dreaming of them coming back to EG. 

 

6- Different people are really the same.  That sounds weird- I know- but something I didn't expect to gain was these beautiful friendships.  I learned that though we look different, our experiences are different, and our views may be different; many of our desires are the same.  We never disagree on wanting great things for our girls.  We've prepared over 40 women to mentor and it's been a privilege to walk alongside them.  We are all learning that the girls teach us all a thing or two along the way too. 

 

7- EPIC truly does mean HERO.  I've seen so many heroes this year.  Ordinary people doing extraordinary things.   I've watched girls navigate difficult situations because they realize they are strong enough to get through it and brave enough to stay.  I've seen mentors rally around girls to achieve their goals. I've seen people love and support each other in the most beautiful, honest and authentic ways.  My faith in people has been restored so much this past year.

 

I could go on and on.  The truth is, I've learned so much this year- this little blog cannot do it justice.  Above all, I've learned the beginning is just a place to start.  I can't wait to see all the amazing things we are going to do together to build and encourage strong women.  We're going to change the world together!  I can't wait!

 

Be EPIC,

 

xx- Stacia

Congrats, Graduate! (5/25/17)

Dear Graduate-

Since you ventured into kindergarten, you've secretly counted the years until you would be done. Even if you have loved every moment of your school experience, you've added and subtracted your way along wondering "how much longer?".  Now that it's here, you can't believe how fast it went. Time is like that. It creeps along and then suddenly flies by, daring you to question its speed. 

So now that you've graduated, you look forward to what comes next. Maybe it's college or work, or maybe you're still deciding those next steps. Maybe you're so elated to be done with this process that you're not quite ready to venture into your next project. All of that is just fine. You've got time to figure it out. 

This month as we've celebrated you in all your cap and gown glory, we've noticed how excited and apprehensive you are all in the same breath. And it's so beautiful to watch. 

What we see are young women standing on the ledge of forever. You have amazing things in front of you. You have world changing things to do.  We can't wait to cheer you on and to hear of all the amazing things you'll accomplish. 

So girls- be brave. Take risks.  Give grace, for no one is perfect. And remember you are EPIC. 

We Love You-

All of us at EG